I Will

Caution: Post with no pictures! I wish they weren't all in my attic. PLUS, super emotion post!

I'm going to apologize in advanced, this is a very emotional post for me. This is a journal for my posterity, because I am no good at writing in one. Thank you for understanding.

Last night I was thinking about how I never knew what time I was born. Whenever I asked my mom she always told me she didn't know. Being adopted I figured that was pretty normal. When I turned 18 my mom gave me some paperwork from LDS Social Services (the adoption agency I was adopted through) and 3 letters. So, I decided to go through the paperwork to see if it had what time I was born.

What I found out:

-Born: 12:52am, May 28, 1988

-Labor time: 13 hours

-She got an epidural.

-She was 39 weeks pregnant.

As I was reading this it was around 12:30am, and it just hit me:

23 years ago at almost this EXACT time a woman that I have no memory of went through 13 hours of labor and then held me in her arms and told me she loved me. She then handed me to someone knowing she wouldn't see me again. I had an overwhelming feeling of love and sadness. I have no idea who this person is that brought me into this beautiful world. I heard her voice for nine months and all of a sudden she was gone. I have no memory of the moments we shared but I know how special they were. I am extremely grateful to her. She gave me life and then gave me a better life than she could've ever given me. She gave me to my parents who were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity and they taught me what was right. I will never be able to repay her for the gift she gave me. I would not have the amazing husband or kids I have today if she hadn't been so selfless. 

I have never thought about her on my actual birthday, but I always knew that she was thinking of me somewhere in the world on this exact day. And that makes me feel closer to her.

I few months ago I tried to find her, but there was no match in the paperwork I sent in. When I got that letter in the mail I was hurt. It felt like she didn't care anymore and that I would never know her. I gave up on ever finding her. But as I read her letter last night, the last line said:

"All my life, my love, and prayers are with you.

                              Your birth mother

                               and eternal friend,

                                      I love you!"

I have read this letter many times before but the "eternal friend" stuck out to me this time. I will see her again and I will be able to thank her and tell her I love her too. If not in this life, the next, and she will be waiting for me. It makes me want to work that much harder to do what is right and return to our Father in Heaven. I will see him and her again.